e-book The Art of Conversation

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Watch those feet. Business consultant Ori Brafman and psychologist Rom Brafman are interested in what allows people to truly bond. In their book, Click: The Magic of Instant Connections Broadway Books, , they explain how to be fully present during conversations. Be intentional. Before engaging in a conversation, consciously decide to be present and open for it. This can be as simple as taking a deep breath before opening the coffee-shop door and turning off your phone before sitting down.

Be attentive. Ask for elaboration. Share your reactions honestly. Demonstrate to the other person that you are actively participating in the conversation. Be an equal. Avoid giving advice or assuming a one-up or one-down position. Do your best to listen without a plan or an agenda.

The lost art of conversation: how we forgot how to make small talk

Be your own person. Instead of getting preoccupied with how you should respond, be authentic with your emotional reactions to what the other person is saying. Ending conversations can be tricky. Mike Bechtle, PhD, is a senior training consultant with a time- and productivity-management firm, and he teaches his business clients how to artfully exit an exchange. Know your purpose. This is actually less calculating than it sounds and applies to more than just business interactions. Notice when the mission is accomplished, and feel free to wrap it up. Use group dynamics.

Social functions provide their own natural exits, Bechtle notes.


Be honest. Just review and comment on the most interesting points you discussed, and move on. End strong. These gestures reinforce connection and leave both parties feeling good. Your email address will not be published. City and state are only displayed in our print magazine if your comment is chosen for publication. I've seen a lot of conversations become one-sided and focused on the person who knows how to dominate the dialogue. That person is simply not expressing interest in the other person. It might seem obvious, but Gross's suggestion that you demonstrate curiosity in the other person is one that not everyone observes as well as they probably should, according to my experience.

I can respond to what somebody saying by expressing if I'm feeling sympathy or empathy, and explaining why. Having interviewed thousands of people, Gross understands the value of preparing well. It is bad manners to force your host or hostess to serve themselves before you. Men, this especially applies to you — ladies first, except when it is your hostess.

Have a few ideas in your head that you can use to start a conversation. They must be simple things that are light and easy for anyone to talk about. Remember that you are striving for light conversation — not a heavy intellectual discussion. So have a handful of light, easy conversation starters ready to use if you need them — but — and this is important - make them sound totally natural and unplanned.

You can tell that he plans what to say before he goes out, because he never quite pulls it off. He never sounds natural. Just leave me alone! Now is not the time to trot out your prepared conversation! It is quite acceptable to use all the obvious conversation starters. You can ask questions or make comments…. You can mention something you saw or heard.

Keep it short and to the point. Use the posters on the streetlights to start conversations. Newspaper headlines, adverts for events. To be an interesting person you must be an interested person — interested in people, new ideas, and your environment. Keep an open mind on all debateable topics. My grandmother — who lived to almost 90 could talk to anyone between 4years old and years old and be interesting and relevant. She was always having visitors pop in for a cup of tea and a chat. She was an inspiration. First impressions are important and we must pay special attention to making a good impression.

Dress to give yourself confidence. If you know you look good you will feel good. Phone ahead of the function and ask for the dress code if necessary. If you are not sure what to wear, dress up rather than down. It is much nicer for people to be admiring you smart outfit than saying behind your back. We are all attracted to people who look friendly and confident and if you come across that way, people will want to meet you and talk to you.

Of course you then need to keep on using both your verbal as well as your non —verbal language to appear friendly, confident and interested in the other person. If you show interest in somebody else, they will show interest in you. It shows you are interested.

Choose to have a positive attitude about the occasion

Your attentive listening will give the speaker confidence and encourage them to keep the conversation going. Pay attention to your voice. Modulate your volume according to the conversation, environment and occasion. There is nothing worse than the loudmouth whose conversation dominates the room because they are speaking too loudly. This kind of negative conversation is why so many social gatherings are boring.

How to Master the Art of Conversation

People imitate and tend to follow conversational patterns. So focus on the positive. Use positive words. If someone else tries to draw you into gossip, cut it off immediately.

I learnt how to do this from a captain of a yacht I worked on. Another way to cut off gossip or complaining, is to be really quick and take the theme of the gossip and use it to turn the conversation into something more positive.

It sounds wonderful. You can also be quite blatant about changing the conversation. I hear that the new show at the theatre has been getting rave reviews. Has anyone seen it?


The Art of Great Conversation

Never be sarcastic, aggressive, passive-aggressive or manipulative. They always bring down a conversation. Never ever monopolise the conversation.